Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage

While miscarriage is common, many people do not realize how emotionally painful the loss of an unborn child can be.    Miscarriage can happen at nearly any stage of pregnancy. At Care Net Pregnancy Center of Albuquerque we see women suffering from pregnancy loss in some of the earlier stages.   In fact Early Pregnancy Loss (EPL) is very common with some estimates being as high as 25% of all conception resulting in an EPL in the first month.   Women experiencing EPL may not even realize that they were pregnant.   Miscarriage after the first month and a half is much more distressing for most women and their families as they have begun to anticipate the arrival of their new child.  If they have already announced the pregnancy this is even more traumatic.

Our society finds it difficult to acknowledge the pain and loss experienced by parents who have lost an unborn child. And yet this loss stimulates many fears and grief others are reluctant to hear.   Below is a letter written by a dad, a Care Net client, who lost his child due to miscarriage?    Please hear his hear heart as you read about this couple’s journey after miscarriage.

“Today marks what would have been my Skylar's first birthday. I cannot tell you enough how much a miscarriage devastates your life in the immediate aftermath and the ripples of change that reach out into the vast expanses of your existence. The smallest things will trigger memories that will suck the wind out of your sails, lay you low, and stop you in your tracks. You try to snap out of it and reason with yourself, sure it was your baby, but you never got to see it with your own eyes or hear its cry or felt its warmth... why should it matter... but it does. You get to see it on the ultra sound, you get to hear the heartbeat, you get to feel that unique glow that only seeing your unborn child can bring... that vivid imagination of everything that would come to pass for you and your child... and all that was ripped from you... the utmost despair knowing what you could have had, but never will have that chance with that child again. It's harrowing... its torture... and I don't know if it'll ever go away. I took solace in knowing that we'd keep trying and we'd eventually have another baby but that too comes with its own bittersweet kick in the gut that you don't expect... watching your first child do new things for the first time... while thinking of the child you lost.  That your child's first smile or giggle or step should have been the child you lost.

I say all this, not only to gain closure and work through this the way an extrovert can, but also because it's common... extremely common... and millions if not billions of families live this special kind of torture and they don't tell anyone. When I announced the miscarriage, my wife was floored by the amount of people who came forward to tell their tale. It bolstered us and steadied us and gave us a light we so desperately needed. So I say all this to encourage those who are battling this hopelessness and helplessness, this quagmire of unanswered questions, this echoing pain alone...You are not alone. There are more people than you could possibly know surrounding you that have been through something like you have.  I'm here to tell you that life does start to move on and get a little easier every day, but you don't have to bear this burden by yourselves.

And Skylar... I love you... I miss you... my heart aches for you. You'll forever be my first child and I can't wait to see you.”

There is help for the loss created by miscarriage.   People do not have to carry this burden of grief alone.  If you know someone going through the grief of a lost pregnancy, miscarriage or otherwise, please let them know that Care Net Pregnancy Center is here to help them.