While miscarriage is common, many people do not
realize how emotionally painful the loss of an unborn child can be. Miscarriage can happen at nearly any stage
of pregnancy. At Care Net Pregnancy Center of Albuquerque we see women
suffering from pregnancy loss in some of the earlier stages. In fact Early Pregnancy Loss (EPL) is very
common with some estimates being as high as 25% of all conception resulting in
an EPL in the first month. Women
experiencing EPL may not even realize that they were pregnant. Miscarriage after the first month and a half
is much more distressing for most women and their families as they have begun
to anticipate the arrival of their new child.
If they have already announced the pregnancy
this is even more traumatic.
Our society finds it difficult to acknowledge the
pain and loss experienced by parents who have lost an unborn child. And yet
this loss stimulates many fears and grief others are reluctant to hear. Below is a letter written by a dad, a Care
Net client, who lost his child due to miscarriage? Please hear his hear heart as you read
about this couple’s journey after miscarriage.
“Today marks
what would have been my Skylar's first birthday. I cannot tell you enough how
much a miscarriage devastates your life in the immediate aftermath and the
ripples of change that reach out into the vast expanses of your existence. The
smallest things will trigger memories that will suck the wind out of your
sails, lay you low, and stop you in your tracks. You try to snap out of it and
reason with yourself, sure it was your baby, but you never got to see it with
your own eyes or hear its cry or felt its warmth... why should it matter... but
it does. You get to see it on the ultra sound, you get to hear the heartbeat,
you get to feel that unique glow that only seeing your unborn child can
bring... that vivid imagination of everything that would come to pass for you
and your child... and all that was ripped from you... the utmost despair
knowing what you could have had, but never will have that chance with that
child again. It's harrowing... its torture... and I don't know if it'll ever go
away. I took solace in knowing that we'd keep trying and we'd eventually have
another baby but that too comes with its own bittersweet kick in the gut that
you don't expect... watching your first child do new things for the first
time... while thinking of the child you lost. That your child's first
smile or giggle or step should have been the child you lost.
I
say all this, not only to gain closure and work through this the way an
extrovert can, but also because it's common... extremely common... and millions
if not billions of families live this special kind of torture and they don't
tell anyone. When I announced the miscarriage, my wife was floored by
the amount of people who came forward to tell their tale. It bolstered us and
steadied us and gave us a light we so desperately needed. So I say all this to
encourage those who are battling this hopelessness and helplessness, this
quagmire of unanswered questions, this echoing pain alone...You are not alone.
There are more people than you could possibly know surrounding you that have
been through something like you have. I'm here to tell you that life does
start to move on and get a little easier every day, but you don't have to bear
this burden by yourselves.
And
Skylar... I love you... I miss you... my heart aches for you. You'll forever be
my first child and I can't wait to see you.”
There is help for the loss created by
miscarriage. People do not have to
carry this burden of grief alone. If you
know someone going through the grief of a lost pregnancy, miscarriage or
otherwise, please let them know that Care Net Pregnancy Center is here
to help them.
